Personal Dichotomy

Going back to the initial ADSZ posting, this will be more introspective and less my commentary on a situation or random misinterpretation of a phrase (that in hindsight may or may not be true).  Sort of continuing on the body language theme of the last post, I am certainly not someone you can read by just by my expression or demeanor.

While I always look calm and stress-free on the outside, that is assuredly not the case on the inside.  I have grown to stress too easily over the simplest things, and worry way too often about things I generally cannot control.  Whether at work or at home, I will chastise myself over the simplest mistakes, even realizing that mistakes happen.  In fact, I probably deal with big mistakes much better then the minor ones.  I expect that big mistakes happen while not having the same tolerance for the smaller ones.

Some of the best advice I ever received from an old high school friend was to never allow your feelings to stew inside, yet I have done a poor job of taking this excellent advice despite the potential ramifications.  Now, I am releasing some of these feelings in a blog post that anyone can access.  However, that is in part with the understanding that only a few people are actually reading this and those are the people I would be more open to anyway.

One emotion in particular that I need to find a proper release for is anger.  For financial purposes, I keep delaying the inevitable that I need to join a health club for my general health and well being.  With my work at Macy's occupying the energy needed for the positive stress release from long walks, I no longer have a proper outlet to release my anger in a fairly private setting.  Even with my position at Macy's being relatively stress free (especially compared to most of my friends and my superiors there), I need to find another positive outlet for stress relief.

Continuing with the stress theme, I generally try to avoid the big things in life that bring stress, with my picture under the definition of confirmed bachelor in the dictionary.  Yet at the same time I frequently find ways to unnecessarily raise my emotions in silly debates and arguments.  As I get older, my tolerance for perceived idiocy lessens and I spend way too much time engaging with people whose opinions I never will sway (even if they are often terribly wrong).  Instead of doing the wise thing and let ignorant people be ignorant, I lower myself to try to change the stance of people that are blissfully stubborn (or the people that love to use hyperbole in arguing a non-definitive point).

This last paragraph illustrates my battle between humility and arrogance.  For the most part, I am a pretty humble and affable person with a self-deprecating sense of humor.  I will try to find humor in most situations, even when it may not be the most appropriate situation for it.  However, I have a strong belief in the opinions I have formed in most situations I talk about (particularly sports), especially since I have spent an inordinate amount of time forming said opinions.  At the same time, I need to open to better information that can change my opinions when necessary and admitting that I may not always be right (just right most of the time).

All in all, I am happy with the balance I have with this dichotomy (and in general) for the most part, but at the same time it is a fine line that I walk that will inevitably get me into undesirable situations because of this delicate balance.  Hopefully I can expand these bounds so that I can be that characterization of cool and calm I am often perceived to be.